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Who Dey Revolution Manifesto

  • Preamble

    IN THIS TIME of perpetual Cincinnati Bengals incompetence and futility, with zero playoff wins in the nineteen seasons since the WhoDeyRevolution Godfather, Paul Brown, passed away in 1991 and handed the team to his fortunate son, the Despot, Mike Brown;

    Introduction

    WE, the members of the Who Dey Revolution, in our fervent dedication to the Cincinnati Bengals and fanatical desire to transform our hometown team into perpetual Super Bowl contenders, call for a popular revolution of fans to demand comprehensive reform to the managerial decisions and approach of Cincinnati Bengals ownership, management, staff and players, and hereby call for the adoption of the following Who Dey Revolution Manifesto:

    Manifesto Demands

    THAT the Mike Brown, Katie Blackburn, Marvin Lewis, along with every other member of the Bengals management, staff and personnel, state publicly to all Bengals fans, “I will do everything in my power to help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl;”

    THAT Mike Brown will hire a general manager, drastically expand the scouting department and relinquish all control of player personnel;

    THAT all training, rehabilitation and medical facilities are considered best-in-class compared to other NFL teams;

    THAT the management fill the team only with players who fit the system, both mentally and physically, and are not reluctant to makes changes to player personnel when needed, regardless of cost or loyalty concerns;

    THAT offensive and defensive line depth is considered the top priority for all player personnel decisions;

    THAT all decisions made by ownership, management, staff and players, both on and off the field, are judged only by this criterion: “Does this help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl?”

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September 04, 2008

Fat Clause in Jeremi Johnson's Contract?

Goonies_chunk With the news that Jeremi Johnson's knee could not bear his newly added poundage and he is out for the season, WDR has to wonder whether the Bengals should add a fat clause to his contract for next year.  Meaning, if Johnson reports to camp above a certain weight, he is fined for each day he is over.

This could be structured similarly to the clause in Kellen Winslow's contract that forbade him from riding a motorcycle - though I guess it didn't have much of an effect.

If the Bengals decide to bring Johnson back next year, they need to do something to prevent him from coming into camp so overweight that he couldn't even practice with the team until a few days before the third game of the preseason.

Posted by on September 04, 2008 at 06:23 AM in Chunk, Intelligent Player Personnel Decisions - Manifesto Demand #4 |

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Comments

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I have it on good authority that Johnson had his knee in a planted, flexed position when reaching into the trunk of his car and lifting a case of ho-ho's. The unnatural strain of his additional body habitus and the weight of the ho-hos resulted in an anterior crutiate ligament tear and a grade II labia majora strain.

Posted by: Akili Smith | September 04, 2008 at 08:32 AM

For context, a grade III strain is what occurs after giving birth to a 10 pound infant. So, that's a serious strain on our man Jeremi.

Posted by: Sleeping With Bieniemy | September 04, 2008 at 09:49 AM

The comments to this entry are closed.

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    Bengals Futility - By The Numbers

    • 20 - Years since the Bengals have won a playoff game

      0 - Total number of playoff wins in Mike Brown's tenure as owner

      .359 - Bengals regular season winning percentage since Mike Brown took over as owner (115-206-1 in 20 seasons)

      29-34-1 - Record since 2005 playoff game vs Steelers

      6 - Seasons the Bengals have lost their first six games since 1991. No other team has more than two.

      0 - Teams North of Cincinnati without an indoor practice facility

      10 - Players arrested in a 14 month span from 2005-2006

      32 - Mike Brown's ranking, out of 32, of the "Best Owners in the NFL" by Michael Silver of Sports Illustrated in 2007

      458,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, that Hamilton County Taxpayers paid to build PBS

      2032 - Year that Hamilton County will have finally paid off its debt on the stadium deal

      3 - Total number of non-clerical employees employed in the Bengals scouting department, lowest in the league

      747,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, paid in free agency by the Bengals from 1994 - 2005, second worst of all 28 teams in existence for the duration, behind only Arizona

      118 – Ranking, out of 118 professional teams, of the “Worst Franchises” in professional sports, as ranked by ESPN the Magazine in 2003.

      97 – Ranking, out of 98 general managers in all four major sports with three or more years of experience, of Mike Brown’s performance as a GM, as ranked by Forbes in 2007.

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