Even if you are a fan, you may not have noticed the startling resemblances between some of our favorite (or most hated) Bengal figures and the characters on South Park. So, in honor of the debut, I’ve decided to show my fellow revolutionaries these similarities.
Carson Palmer - Stan Marsh. Good natured, smart, and funny. He’s the popular kid in school that still finds a way to make everyone like him. A disturbing tendency to feel the pressure in big spots (Carson down the stretch in ‘06, Stan when talking to Wendy).
TJ Houshmandzadeh - Kyle Broflovski. The rock of both teams. You literally can’t imagine either side without these two, as they’ve become so important to each. Oh wait, maybe you can (full disclosure: I’m against giving TJ big time money.).
Chad Johnson - Eric Cartman. For better or worse, these guys are the face of the franchise for most ill informed outsiders. Both seem harmless until you step back and realize what the hell it is they’re actually saying. Terrifyingly stupid. Like Mr. Johnson, Eric Cartmenez recently gave himself a Latin surname.
Levi Jones - Chef. There was a time when you couldn’t think of either franchise without thinking of these two. Now one has been killed off and the other offends my eye sockets every Sunday.
Jonathan Joseph - Towelie. He just wants to get a little high.
Robert Geathers - Kenny McCormick. Despite an enormous amount of screen time for both, they are rarely heard from. Those rare occasions are almost always flashes of brilliance, but you get the feeling neither will ever gain a true starring role.
Marvin Lewis - The Succubus. Like Marvin and Bengal fans, the relationship between Chef and the Succubus got off to a great start. At the end, all she wants to do is take Chef’s soul and suck the joy out of everything. However, we can’t sing a song in reverse and get rid of Marvin. Oh, how I’ve tried.
Chris Henry - Woodland Christmas Critters. On the surface, they should be loved by all. Henry is as talented as the critters are cute. Down below, both have a darker side which masks their true talents. (Note: I don’t think they are at all like Chris Henry. I just needed a reason to include them. They raped Kurt Russell for God’s sake. How awesome is that?)
Odell Thurman - Kenny’s dad. One is a redneck alcoholic from the sticks who does a lot of meth and beats women. The other is a cartoon character.
Bob Bratkowski - Officer Barbrady. Wikipedia describes Barbady as a, “…police officer who is extremely incompetent at what he does and is generally a bumbling oaf…” Replace police officer with offensive coordinator, and don’t you have Brat to a T?
Ahmad Brooks - Manbearpig. A mythical beast created by Al Gore. In reality, nothing to worry about.
Rashad Jeanty - Ike Broflovski. Ike is a Canadian import who brings nothing to the table and is decidedly below average in every way. Sound familiar?
Eric Ghiacuic - Cartman's mom. Both are jarringly incompetant at their jobs and spend a ton of airtime on their backs.