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Who Dey Revolution Manifesto

  • Preamble

    IN THIS TIME of perpetual Cincinnati Bengals incompetence and futility, with zero playoff wins in the eighteen seasons since the WhoDeyRevolution Godfather, Paul Brown, passed away in 1991 and handed the team to his fortunate son, the Despot, Mike Brown;

    Introduction

    WE, the members of the Who Dey Revolution, in our fervent dedication to the Cincinnati Bengals and fanatical desire to transform our hometown team into perpetual Super Bowl contenders, call for a popular revolution of fans to demand comprehensive reform to the managerial decisions and approach of Cincinnati Bengals ownership, management, staff and players, and hereby call for the adoption of the following Who Dey Revolution Manifesto:

    Manifesto Demands

    THAT the Mike Brown, Katie Blackburn, Marvin Lewis, along with every other member of the Bengals management, staff and personnel, state publicly to all Bengals fans, “I will do everything in my power to help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl;”

    THAT Mike Brown will hire a general manager, drastically expand the scouting department and relinquish all control of player personnel;

    THAT all training, rehabilitation and medical facilities are considered best-in-class compared to other NFL teams;

    THAT the management fill the team only with players who fit the system, both mentally and physically, and are not reluctant to makes changes to player personnel when needed, regardless of cost or loyalty concerns;

    THAT offensive and defensive line depth is considered the top priority for all player personnel decisions;

    THAT all decisions made by ownership, management, staff and players, both on and off the field, are judged only by this criterion: “Does this help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl?”

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« Mike Nolan Fired; Marvin Keeps Chopping Wood | Main | Distraction Du Jour for Bengals Fans »

October 21, 2008

Theme Song For the Bengals Season

I was sitting at my desk listening to my "band of the week" Death Cab for Cutie...and I couldn't help but think...what would be the 2008-9 Cincinnati Bengals theme song up to this point in the season?  So much has transpired up to this point...I thought I would just dive in.

Song #1- The Times They are Changing by Bob Dylan
I think we can all agree that the 2008-9 Cincinnati Bengals season has not gone the way everyone had hoped.  Our once potent offense can not score touchdowns, our tenacious defense can not stop an attack, and our offensive play calling looks like it was drawn up by a 4 year old.  The owner doesn't listen to the coach, the coach doesn't motivate his players, and the players have yet to win a game.  Since the 2005 AFC North Championship season...the times...they are definitely a-changing.

Song #2- Parents Just Don't Understand by Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince
In a perfect world, this song would be dedicated to Mike Brown from Katie Blackburn.  The Fresh Prince talks about how his mom takes him clothes shopping for school.  Instead of letting The Prince pick out his own stylish clothes, she forces him to buy the clothes that she likes.  He pleads his case but she remains stubborn (sound familiar???).  To her, she knew exactly what she was doing.  She did not need to consult with anyone, especially Prince, of what the appropriate and correct decision would be.  She forces him to buy these retro, out of style clothes and then in school the next day he gets made fun of.  Everyone else in the school knew that the clothes were out of style and were not up to current standards (sound familiar???)...but she forced him to do it anyway.  As The Prince says..."Take it from me...parents just don't understand."

Song #3- Need a Little Help from My Friends by The Beatles
Do the Bengals have the talent to win?  Of course.  They have a probowl Quarterback, two probowl Wide Receivers, a probowl Kicker, a future probowl Safety and a probowl Offensive Tackle (could have fooled me this year though).  You know that TJ will be there in the clutch to make the ever important 3rd down...or a go ahead touchdown.  A healthy Chad is as good as it gets and will give the team the pizazz that it needs.  Carson has the potential to be a top tier Quarterback.  But these guys need some support.  Even a great Quarterback needs time which is given to him by an Offensive Line.  Without it...your star Quarterback ends up hurting his elbow and is sidelined for potentially the remainder of the season.  Without a good defense, the offense has to play twice as hard to win a game.  The guys who always come to play need some help.  They need the entire team to go out there and make plays for four quarters.  Stop the run, cause a turn over, make the big third down play.  The big boys just need a little help from their friends.

Song #4- Put Me in Coach by John Fogerty
All reports were that the young guys were not ready.  Simpson, Caldwell, Simms, and Shirley had not proven that they were ready to play for an NFL team competing for a playoff spot.  Lucky for them...the 2008-9 Bengals are not a real NFL team.  Simms has finally gotten some playing time, and has played well.  Caldwell was averaging around 30 yards per return before going out with an injury and Simpson caught his first career reception (before getting hurt as well).  Play these boys!!!  Its not like these kids are going to ruin the season?  Let's see what they are made of.  See what kind of cohones they have.  When they are healthy, put them on the field.  They may be young but these boy need to get some game experience and there is no better experience than a game with nothing to lose.  Jerome, Andre, Pat, and Jason...sing it loud and sing it proud...tell the coaches to put you in...cause you are ready to play.

Song #5- Changes by David Bowie
What is the answer to all of the Bengals problems?  Change.  As WDR continually points out, Mike Brown is not capable of running a successful NFL franchise.  The Bengals need a real General Manager, a legitimate scouting department, and player personnel that has experience running a professional sports franchise.  Without it, the Bengals will remain in the cellar.  Like Bowie said..."Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes, Turn and face the strain...Ch-ch-Changes...Just gonna have to be a different man."  The only way to fix something that is broken...is change. 

Viva la Revolucion

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Why limit it to a theme song? Why not put together a mixtape?

BMN

Bengals FANS theme song would be "I Hate Everything" by a guy I like to call George Strait. Marvin Lewis' song would be "Oh, What a Perfect Day," also by a guy named George Strait. Is there ANYTHING George can't sing lyrically about?

Strangely, I heard a song that summed up the pain of being a Bengals fan on the way to work this morning. "Standing in the Doorway" by Bob Dylan. Its a song about heatbreak and not being able to give up on the one who has hurt you. Describes being a Bengals fan perfectly.

When has Cincinnati ever had a "tenacious" defense in the modern era of football?

I vote for "Efilnikcufecin" by Anthrax as an ode to all suffering Bengal fans.

The End by the Doors for Marvin Lewis

I think the theme to the Benny Hill Show best sums it up.

david with comment of the day.

perfect.

I choose "Jane Says" by Jane's Addiction. Jane Says is about Perry Farrell's one time lady friend who is a prostitute and is addicted to Heorin. Jane says she'll kick her habit tomorrow, but never does. Bengal's Douche Bags are a a lot like Jane. We are whores to Mike Brown's Bengals, a deadly addiction and game or Russian Roulette as we try to "chase the dragon." Inevitably, we can not give up our smack, never will and never can.

Either that, or "That's the Breaks" by someone you all prolly never heard of before... GEORGE STRAIT.

I am really excited that Ignatius J linked to that Slayer song. Fantastic tune.

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    Bengals Futility - By The Numbers

    • 17 - Years since the Bengals have won a playoff game

      0 - Total number of playoff wins in Mike Brown's tenure as owner

      .348 - Bengals regular season winning percentage since Mike Brown took over as owner (97-181 in 17 seasons)

      15-23 - Record since 2005 playoff game vs Steelers

      6 - Seasons the Bengals have lost their first six games since 1991. No other team has more than two.

      0 - Teams North of Cincinnati without an indoor practice facility

      10 - Players arrested in a 14 month span from 2005-2006

      32 - Mike Brown's ranking, out of 32, of the "Best Owners in the NFL" by Michael Silver of Sports Illustrated in 2007

      458,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, that Hamilton County Taxpayers paid to build PBS

      2032 - Year that Hamilton County will have finally paid off its debt on the stadium deal

      6 3 - Total number of non-clerical employees employed in the Bengals scouting department, lowest in the league

      747,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, paid in free agency by the Bengals from 1994 - 2005, second worst of all 28 teams in existence for the duration, behind only Arizona

      118 – Ranking, out of 118 professional teams, of the “Worst Franchises” in professional sports, as ranked by ESPN the Magazine in 2003.

      97 – Ranking, out of 98 general managers in all four major sports with three or more years of experience, of Mike Brown’s performance as a GM, as ranked by Forbes in 2007.

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