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Who Dey Revolution Manifesto

  • Preamble

    IN THIS TIME of perpetual Cincinnati Bengals incompetence and futility, with zero playoff wins in the nineteen seasons since the WhoDeyRevolution Godfather, Paul Brown, passed away in 1991 and handed the team to his fortunate son, the Despot, Mike Brown;

    Introduction

    WE, the members of the Who Dey Revolution, in our fervent dedication to the Cincinnati Bengals and fanatical desire to transform our hometown team into perpetual Super Bowl contenders, call for a popular revolution of fans to demand comprehensive reform to the managerial decisions and approach of Cincinnati Bengals ownership, management, staff and players, and hereby call for the adoption of the following Who Dey Revolution Manifesto:

    Manifesto Demands

    THAT the Mike Brown, Katie Blackburn, Marvin Lewis, along with every other member of the Bengals management, staff and personnel, state publicly to all Bengals fans, “I will do everything in my power to help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl;”

    THAT Mike Brown will hire a general manager, drastically expand the scouting department and relinquish all control of player personnel;

    THAT all training, rehabilitation and medical facilities are considered best-in-class compared to other NFL teams;

    THAT the management fill the team only with players who fit the system, both mentally and physically, and are not reluctant to makes changes to player personnel when needed, regardless of cost or loyalty concerns;

    THAT offensive and defensive line depth is considered the top priority for all player personnel decisions;

    THAT all decisions made by ownership, management, staff and players, both on and off the field, are judged only by this criterion: “Does this help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl?”

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October 13, 2008

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I feel bad for Marvin, he has his authority publicly crushed and he is left to answer questions about hte organization which he has no control over. He has two options,
1. Tell it like it is, call out Mikey and get fired and burn numerous bridges all around the NFL. No owner wants to hire a coach who will call out those above him, even if it is well deserved.
2. Continue to be a good company man and throw out turd sandwiches that no one wants to eat....but we have no other choice.

Everyone knows Marvin brought the Bengals to the best place they will ever go under current management. It is sad that it is going to end like this. I hope week 17 Marvin goes off for an entire 24 hours detailing how awful it is to work for the Bengals, quit and promptly be hired by a "professional football organization".

Go ahead and make that a post Leeroy.

I'm going to make what most might feel is a bold statement, but I believe than when (not if) Marvin leaves the Bengals. He will end up a defensive coordinator somewhere for a couple of years. Then get hired by a COMPETENT NFL team and win a Super Bowl within four years.

you guys are smoking crack. this whole conspiracy theory thing where marvin secretly hates mike brown is played out. They are in this together, and for the long haul it appears.

We have much biggger problems than this: Carson may be out for the season.

If the bengals have carson and all currently players healthy, and if they had practiced together in the preseason, and if Chris Perry didn't suck, we would WIN the superbowl WITHOUT question. You know it's true.

KY6 - I am THIS close to posting your email address publicly.

Seriously, is it awesome to write for the Daily Show/South Park/It's Always Sunny/Family Guy/Simpsons cause you are fucking hilarious.

Mr Simon, I would like to thank you for the cumulative time you allowed us all to hang out in your excellent basement. I would also like to state that your prediction is wildly specific and improbable but despite that I would also wager a significant sum of my net worth on that exact outcome.

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    Bengals Futility - By The Numbers

    • 20 - Years since the Bengals have won a playoff game

      0 - Total number of playoff wins in Mike Brown's tenure as owner

      .359 - Bengals regular season winning percentage since Mike Brown took over as owner (115-206-1 in 20 seasons)

      29-34-1 - Record since 2005 playoff game vs Steelers

      6 - Seasons the Bengals have lost their first six games since 1991. No other team has more than two.

      0 - Teams North of Cincinnati without an indoor practice facility

      10 - Players arrested in a 14 month span from 2005-2006

      32 - Mike Brown's ranking, out of 32, of the "Best Owners in the NFL" by Michael Silver of Sports Illustrated in 2007

      458,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, that Hamilton County Taxpayers paid to build PBS

      2032 - Year that Hamilton County will have finally paid off its debt on the stadium deal

      3 - Total number of non-clerical employees employed in the Bengals scouting department, lowest in the league

      747,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, paid in free agency by the Bengals from 1994 - 2005, second worst of all 28 teams in existence for the duration, behind only Arizona

      118 – Ranking, out of 118 professional teams, of the “Worst Franchises” in professional sports, as ranked by ESPN the Magazine in 2003.

      97 – Ranking, out of 98 general managers in all four major sports with three or more years of experience, of Mike Brown’s performance as a GM, as ranked by Forbes in 2007.

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