Headlines for Monday

Hey, this is Julius Norman, coming to you from the future.  It's Monday here.  And you need to know what the headlines are from the Bengals-Cowboys game.  Here they are...

Bengals meet fans expectations: Lose 38-10

Jerry Jones on Mike Brown: "You have to know something about football to not have a GM, dumbass!"

Chris Henry, Cedric Benson, Pacman Jones, and Tank Johnson arrested for total destruction of Dallas-area strip club.  Brown signs Pacman and Tank to 3-year deals.  Goodell bangs head against table. 

Levi, Ghiacuic ALMOST protect Carson Palmer; Palmer hospitalized with concussion after ninth sack of first half.

Bengal fans in Dallas punch themselves in face instead of going to the game. 

Marvin's corrects Chick and C. Trent: Bengals record is actually 0-3-0-2.  0 wins, 3 losses, 0 ties, and 2 ALMOST wins.

God watched "His team" beat "team He forgot".

Marion Barber III runs for 311 yards in Cowboys win, Marion Barber II runs for 93 more yards in mop-up time. 

Marvin Lewis does post-game press conference in a cowboy hat, belt buckle, and cowboy boots: calls team 'professional', says they 'played their little tails off', and says they need to 'get back at it.' 

Bengals points - 10; Marvin post-game press conference chuckles - 8; declared ALMOST a victory.

Jerome Simpson's ass welded to bench in 38-10 loss.
 
Antwan Odom gets text from Albert Haynesworth: "HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!  Loser!  BTW, u try Tuscani Pasta frm Pza Hut, yet?"

Lapham before going into locker room: "I can not believe I'm dealing with this b@llsh!t again!"

Marvin's Bengals now a combined 0-10; Cincinnati and Idaho State. 

Crazed fans in matching Bengal fan t-shirts pummel Mike Brown after Owens' third TD of first quarter.

Marvin blows all three second-half time outs in first eight minutes.

Fantasy football fans celebrate big days from Romo, Barber, Witten, Ownes, Crayton, Irvin, Emmitt Smith, Aikman, Staubach, Dorsett, Pearson, and even Danny White.

Terrell Owens and Chad Johnson break the record for most celebration and delay-of-game penalties in a game.