In a dream world, of course, Mike Brown would hold a press conference, apologize for 18 years of losing, step down as owner...and hand the team over to the editors of WhoDeyRevolution. We couldn't possibly be worse than the current ownership. However, in the wake of a miserable opening loss to the lowly Baltimore Ravens, I think the next person on the chopping block should be Offensive Coordinator Bob Bratkowski. Every year, the analysts drum up the same tired line about the Bengals' "high-powered" offense. But the statistics suggest otherwise.
May I remind the self-proclaimed experts (and you, if you've been napping), that we averaged 23.8 pts/game last year (11th overall), much of it coming in the shootout at Cleveland (worst defense in the league) and Miami, who went 1-15. If you take away those two games, our scoring average drops us to about 16th overall in the league--not exactly juggernauts. Not to mention our rushing average of 97.3 yds/game--a brilliant 24th in the league. No, the Bengals have not been a great offensive team since 2005, and it's time Coach Brat got the message. His playcalling has become laughably predictable and downright cowardly. 4th and 1 and driving for the tying score in the 4th quarter: let's telegraph the run by brining in an extra lineman after the Ravens held us to less than 2 yds per carry all afternoon. Brilliant.
Feel free to send your letter of resignation to us...or to perform ritualistic seppuku by stabbing yourself with your samurai blade. Comrade Simon will take his sword to your head to ensure a "clean, honorable" death.