So Help Me God Carson, I Will Bench You If This Keeps Up

In what has been an unmitigated catastrophy so far, the Bengals, and more importantly, Carson Palmer's numbers, have been painfully bad in the first two games. So much so that I am publicly declaring that I will absolutely bench Palmer indefinitely on my fantasy team if this keeps up just one more game. I don't care if there was a level 15 tornado inside the stadium last sunday or if Justin Tuck repeatedly sacks him before he even gets the ball from Ghiaciuc this Sunday (Fuck you Levi). Palmer has been put on notice.

(Photo Caption: Carson and I talking about his 0 touchdowns in the first two games.)

Trent Edwards has already been informed that he'll be splitting starters reps in my fantasy practices this week. In fact he is penciled in as the starter right at this moment. That was more of a cathartic thing for me to do, you know, just getting used to pulling the trigger on such a previously unfathomable move. But sitting on a 2-0 record and knowing my stacked team can't be burdened with Palmer's low lying point totals (17 pts through 2 games, fucking ridiculous) has made me a cold calculating fantasy owner. Turn it around or ride the pine on The Death Machine. Or worse, I could trade you to a team that already has a good QB so you'd definitely never see the light of day.

I also am calling out Chad and Housh. Although you might not be on my team and I don't actually have any control over you getting benched I have a feeling your owners are pretty fed up with your point totals as well. So step up and catch some Palmer TD throws or get fucked.

Comments

[Leeroy Jenkins]

Carson, you were offered to be traded for ELI MANNING!!!! And I rejected it.

[Sly Vramamovavich]

Just sending feelers out. The phone lines are definitely open.

[Matt Miller]

I lost my first f*cking game because of Carson. I still love him but I am bitter because i should be 2-0 in my money league instead of 1-1...COME BACK TO US CARSON

[JohnM]

So was this picture taken during a try out for an admin position? Is Carson looking for a backup plan???

[Bear Fan MIke]

I just traded Lee Evans and Kevin Jones and got Palmer. I think I may have gotten hosed.

[Sly Vramamovavich]

Bear Fan Mike, that deal sounds like a Henry Clay compromise. Both sides come away unhappy.

[IgnatiusJReilly]

Carson lost me week one- with an assist from Chad and Chris Perry- so he rode the pine in favor of Kurt Warner for the win this week. Carson may never see the starting line-up again.

[Sleeping With Bieniemy]

Isn't Bear Fan Mike the jackass in the comments from the "I am a Douche Bag" post? Hey Mike, you have to root for Kyle Orton. You are a douche bag too.