Let's Not Forget: 10 Things to Hate About the Cleveland Browns

OK, we're 0-3.  It's terrible.  It's awful.  You deserve better.  WDR deserves better.  I'm not telling you to get over it but let's focus on this Sunday's game right now.  Crapfest 2008 The Battle of Ohio is this Sunday and there is reason to be excited.  We hate the Browns...not nearly as much as the Steelers but some hatred is there no less.  Let's face it.  It was fun to ruin their season last year even at a time when our season was meaningless...especially when they've done it to us before.  To rekindle the hatred for this Sunday, WDR gives you a list, in no particular order, of "10 Things to Hate About the Cleveland Browns":   

1. Kellen Winslow - First off, he's a soldier, which will never get old...ever. Winslow, as a Miami Hurricane, also did the weakest "Should I do it?" Heisman pose ever during a blowout in the endzone against lowly Louisiana Tech way back in the 2003 college football opener.  The score was about 212 - 6 at the time in the 4th quarter.  Little did Winslow know that would be his only touchdown of the season and he was never close to being a Heisman candidate.  At one point, he also gave himself the nickname "The Chosen One."

2. Shaun Smith - The two sentence headline for this guy would go something like this: "Crappy D-Lineman gets Pissy that Crappy Team Won't Re-sign Him.  Signs with other Crappy Team."  Cincinnati chose not to re-sign Smith.  Smith subsequently signed with Cleveland.  Since then, Smith has run his mouth about Marvin, Chad, Mike Brown, Hue Jackson, Shayne Graham, etc. to anyone that will listen.  Hey Shaun, leave that to WDR.  You see Shaun, the Bengals are like our slutty sister (I don't in fact have a sister but this is the figurative slutty sister of Bengals fans).  We may ridicule our slutty sister as much as we want.  But we're going to get pissed when you do it.

3. Brady Quinn - Heterosexual males, look at this picture on the right and tell me you like this guy.  You   can't do it, can you?

4. The Browns ruined our season in 2003.  With a Bengals win, there was a chance to make it to the playoffs for the first time since 1991.  Surely we wouldn't lose to Cleveland who was 4-11 at the time.  Instead, some dude named Lee Suggs ran for 186 yards and 2 touchdowns and we were 8-8 again.  Suggs is no longer an NFL running back but he sure was that day...contributing to a loss that likely caused many to enter the "dark zone".

5. Last year, after a very promising opener to the season against the Baltimore Ravens in which our defense looked phenomenal, we promptly came out the next week and gave up 51 points to the Browns, gave birth to Derek Anderson's career, dropped the game and haven't recovered since.  Despite Carson Palmer throwing for 6 TDs and Chad Johnson catching for 209 yards in the game, this loss may have been the height of the anger peak last season.   

6. The Browns' secondary possibly made Chad Johnson insane after having his bell rung by Browns' DB Leigh Bodden.  Since then, Chad has raced a horse, boycotted the local media, gone on a "trade me" road show, insinuated not only he, but 3 or 4 guys down by the Miami-Dade county local pool can beat Michael Phelps in swimming and generally has not been a consistent, reliable football player. 

7. Bottle Gate.  In a close loss to the Jacksonville Jaguars in 2001 where the refs blew a call even after reviewing the play, an entire Cleveland stadium behaved like 4 year olds not getting their way and responded in the most intelligent way they know how...by throwing stuff.  Browns fans showered beer bottles onto the field clearly aiming for the referees and even pegging ex-head coach, Butch Davis.  This explains the switch about 7 years ago from glass bottles in stadiums to plastic.  This also should fill anyone in who somehow did not understand Sam Wyche's scolding of Cincinnati fans way back when of  "You don't live in Cleveland.  You live in Cincinnati".

8. LeBron James doesn't even like Cleveland.  LeBron James grew up in Akron and doesn't root for the  Browns or the Indians instead choosing to root for the Dallas Cowboys and New York Yankees.  Man are they going to be pissed when he is a Knick in two years.  Watch out for those bottles in 2010 Lebron.

9. Eric Steinbach - While this is the fault of the Bengals' front office and not the Browns, he nevertheless, is on the Browns, which (a) causes jealousy and (b) will remind us twice a year that instead of re-signing Steinbach, we threw the money at our "bookends" (word violently overused by Hobson), Willie Anderson and Levi Jones.  Willie's health thereafter declined as expected with an aging veteran.  And after Levi Jones, a big fat guy, signed his huge contract, he decided to play like a big fat guy who signed a huge contract.  Meanwhile, Steinbach helped solidify Cleveland's O-line. 

10. Shaun Rogers - Most recently, the Browns snatched former defensive tackle, Shaun Rogers, out of our hands this past offseason.  When the collective brain trust of the Detroit Lions and the Cincinnati Bengals got together and just couldn't figure out how a trade works, the Browns stepped in, showed some mental muscle and stole him from us.  This was indeed the most depressing day of the offseason.  Thank you Cleveland.

So when you're saddling up into your seat at PBS, your couch or local brewery and just don't see the point in watching another Bengal game, please keep this list in mind.  A victory will comfort us with the thought that there's someone worse than us and allow us to point and laugh at someone..at least for awhile.

Comments

[Chairman Meow]

I think you forgot to mention the following:
1.) Cleveland is gross.
2.) The Cuyahoga River is flammable.
3.) My old man used to kick Romeo Crennel's ass in practice every day at WKU.

[Brosef Stalin]

I would like to hear more about #3 sir

[Ben]

Also, was it against Cleveland that David Pollack snapped his neck, ending the career of the most promising defense player of the Marvin Lewis era, Keith Rivers-otimism not withstanding? I think it was. If not I'm going to continue to blame them anyway. F Cleveland!

[Klinglered]

how could you go that whole post and not mention:
1)their river catching on fire
2)their team left them and then won a superbowl shortly thereafter in baltimore
3)they drafted tim couch with the #1 pick
4)they drafted gerard warren with the #1 pick o
5)they thought Chris Palmer was a good hire
6)they thought butch davis was going to be their savior
7)how they've never even been to a single superbowl
8)brady quinn likes grabbing other dudes crotches
9)they are the poorest city in america
10)they eat dog food out of the can
ps
did i mention their river caught on fire

[Who Dey NYC]

(1) This is old news plus...not football related
(2) Why does that make me hate them? That makes them hate Baltimore
(3) Again...why does that make me hate them? It set them back a few years
(4) see (3)
(5) see (3)
(6) see (3)
(7) Why does that make me hate them? The Steelers have won a bunch of Super Bowls and that is why I hate them.
(8) see (4) in the article
(9) the rankings fluctuate
(10) unsubstantiated

[Chase F]

Mike Brown grew up there. I am assuming this.

[WhoDeyFans]

I would like to add this entire post to things (or people) to hate.

[WhoDeyFans]

http://www.whodeyfans.com/2008/09/at-least-we-dont-live-in-cleveland.html

[Randy Watson]

Shit brown jerseys. Nice call. They really look good tucked into their Bad Idea Jean shorts.

[Brosef Stalin]

I don't use UPS because of my hatred for the Browns.

[blah]

though as a browns fan i could write a bunch of goofy reponses..but rivalry trash talk is fine..

but the bottle gate is not even a valid reason...you guys would have done the same thing. (if youre as passionate as you say you are)

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