I am a Douche Bag

While the sky is falling in Cincinnati and many are (rightly) calling for the head of Bob Bratkowski...only because the owner cannot be fired or removed and we feel the need to blame someone, the dominant realization that I came to while watching the 2008 Bengals opener yesterday is this:

I am a douche bag. 

This might have been in the back of my mind over the years while watching this football team but never  has my douchebagedness been felt so much before.  Why am I a douche bag?  Well, hopefully it is limited to the content of this article.  I suspect there are arguably other reasons why I am a douche bag but I do not go tanning, I do not pop my collar and I like to think that I have as little in common with this dude as possible.  My douchebaggery is not related to generally acting sweet by talking about "crushing it" or "dominating" the weekends.  Rather, I am a douche bag because I am an enormous Bengals fan.  We don't need to rattle off the stats.  They are on the sides of the home page here at WDR.  Look, right now...see how bad it is.  That's right, 0 playoff wins in the last 17 years.  What, may you ask, does this have to do with me? 

Well, let me elaborate on why I'm a superdouche.  Despite the organization that I choose to root for demonstrating complete and utter incompetence over the years, I have chosen to do the following:

-Over the past 10 years, I have either purchased or been given as a present 5 Bengals jerseys. 

-Last year, I went all the way to Seattle (from New York City) to watch the Bengals lose and get hazed by Seahawks fans who are surprisingly hostile despite the snobby coffee drinker stereotype that is currently in your head right now. 

-This year, apparently deciding that last year's experience was not sufficiently enough of a kick in the nuts, I've decided to make the trip to the Bengals vs. Dallas Cowboys game (at Dallas) because...you know, I should be going to the hardest game of the year for us, right?  And why wouldn't I pay for a hotel room, airfare, marked up tickets on e-Bay and a rent-a-car and fly four hours to watch T.O. show Chad Johnson that you should actually be the best player at your position to pull certain sh*t off.  It looks a lot cooler.  But I'm getting carried away.  This isn't about Chad being a douche bag.  This is all about me.  Back to my douchebaggery...

-For some ridiculous reason, I live in New York City AND am a Bengals season ticket holder.  This makes zero sense...fiscally or otherwise.

-Along with Comrade Bienemy and another friend, we put forth a significant amount of effort towards establishing a bar in Manhattan where 100+ come together to watch Bengals games in New York City.

-I created my own Bengal shoes on www.nikeid.com.  They are orange and black.  After shipping costs, these were close to $200.  They say "Who Dey" on the back.  They might as well say "Douche Bag".

-Last year at a tailgate before the Steelers game at Paul Brown Stadium, someone was walking around selling bright orange shirts with a middle finger on them that said "F*** Pittsburgh".  I overheard a friend of my father's say "Who in their right mind would buy one of those things?"  I held up my shirt, noted I was ten dollars poorer and said "I did."  You know who else would buy a shirt like that?  A huge douche bag.

-I've said preposterous things before like "I'd take a bullet for Carson Palmer"

-On Sundays in the fall, I don't make any plans because the Bengals are on televison.  Despite living in New York, no matter how nice the weather is, I choose to hole up in the back of a dark bar, knowingly walk into a place where I'll be driven to drink anywhere from 3-10 beers depending on how terrible the Bengals play and how close the game is.  I have forgone the opportunity to develop as a person on these Sundays and instead have spent money on consumable goods every Sunday in football season for as long as I can remember.  All this while wearing orange Nike's that say "Douche Bag" "Who Dey" on the back.

-I don't plan my vacation schedule until the NFL schedule comes out because again, for some inexplicable reason, I am a Bengals season ticket holder and find the need to go to 2 home games a year to justify this. 

-I will engage in conversations with non-Bengals fans about how much the Bengals suck and how often we get arrested knowing very well that it will end with me becoming more angry in that moment.

-Like many other Mondays in the fall, despite knowing what happened yesterday and how disgusting it was, I've read numerous articles for the analysis.  Like I need any analysis.  How's this?  "We played like a wet fart."  That took 6 words and 1 second.

-I encourage my girlfriend to watch Bengals games with me.  She is from L.A.  She had no allegiance to this franchise...until now.  She's been watching since 2006 and has become sucked in.  I am responsible for this.  I am ashamed.  I am ashamed and a douche bag.

There are likely many more squibs that could be applicable to this article.  And there are likely many other Bengals fans like me that feel like huge douche bags.  The analysis of why we engage in this behavior is not hard to follow:  We love football.  We love the NFL.  We were born in a city with a professional football franchise (and unfortunately for football purposes, not the one an hour and a half west).  We enjoy tailgating with friends and watching the games with large masses.  Unfortunately, our football team is notoriously bad.  Maybe I'm being too hard on myself and those like me.  I'd like to personally thank Mr. Brown on behalf of anyone else feeling like I am today and on countless other times on and after Sundays for making each of us feel like an enormous douche bag. 

Comments

[Sleeping With Bieniemy]

My friend and I made custom jersey's with our fourth string tight end's (now cut) name on the back just cause we went to school with him. I am a douche bag.

[Andrew Simon]

I run the Who Dey DC bar, write for a blog on the Bengals and am also flying to Dallas for the game. I am a douche bag.

[JMo]

I couldn't have said it any better myself. I feel EXACTLY how you are feeling so take solace in knowing that you are NOT alone!!!

I too am a Bengals fan barely 30 years old, just married, season ticketholder of four years and live outside the Ohio area near Philly. I fly out about 3-4 times a season and am being sodomized by endless surcharges, coa's, taxes, preseason tickets etc....

I have loved this team with all of my heart since I was 8. Why? Maybe it was the teams colors who reminded me of my love for the Dukes of Hazzard orange General Lee Dodge Charger. Or was it maybe the cool uniforms? No, no it was the greatest quarterback that has ever walked the face of this earth Boomer Esiason.

6-5, 224 lbs. of southpaw perfection, master of the playaction fake, cannon for an arm, led the team like Patton. I would pull over my logo 7 black bengals jersey in my bedroom barking out signals throwing pillows in the air then running under them and diving on my bed like I was Eddie Brown maiking a miraculous last second catch in the Super Bowl. Dreams as a child that were 34 seconds short of being forever fulfilled.

Now I hang on, but to what? An inept owner who has no clue on how to run a winning a franchise? A team that flat out refuses to beef up scouting and hire a gm? An owner who will only hire within the organazation so he knows that he will never be underminded with an obvious solution? A coach who instills no identity in its defense year after year? Now possibly a franchise quarterback who has lost his desire to lead? Why do I put up with this, why do you put up with this? WHY WHY WHY?

I will tell you. 34 seconds. In our deluded minds there are still 34 seconds on that clock that have somehow never run out. We refuse to think that game is over and so we push on further and further looking for what is rightfully ours. Endless coaches and players have come and gone but it has never changed for us. That clock is still in alot of our hearts and we will never not stop chasing after those 34 seconds.

As bad as the team looked yesterday, as stupid as we feel as fans today, nobody can deny that with the beginning of every season there is a chance. A chance to be champions. A chance to finally let those 34 seconds finally run off the scoreboard of our hearts.

[JMo]

Oh yeah almost forgot......I'm a great big Douchebag.

[Sleeping With Bieniemy]

JMo, too, is a douche bag.

[Sleeping With Bieniemy]

Just kidding JMo. You're cool. Great comment.

[Sleeping With Bieniemy]

Ah, you just beat me to it...damn you JMo, damn you.

[Rich]

I am Spartacus!
Beat this: My son who is 8, born in South Carolina, and has never lived in Cincinnati is a Bengals Douche Bag.
I passed on Bengals Douche Baggedness to a small, innocent child who literally sat in his TJ jersey and cried in my sunday ticket cursed home (I hate directv, but I get it for the Bengals games because I am a douche bag) over a loss by a team he has no geographic loyalty to.
How do you even explain this to a kid?
I am such a fucking Douche Bag!

[94Paladin]

Much the same as Rich.....I live in SC and have infected my kids, ages 5 and 3 with Bengaldom. I too am a douchebag.

[Who Dey NYC]

Well done commenters. We take comfort in knowing that we are not alone. I laughed my ass off at all of the above comments.

[Berre]

The first step is admitting that you are a Benga...Eh, Douche Bag.

I've been known to go tanning my salon. You can often see me with a popped collar, maybe two at the same time if I feel saucy. I kill Red Bull and Vodkas every weekend with a sort of vengeance that only Matt Leinart could understand. I lift weights, not for health reasons, but to be totally badass. Just kidding*... Yet all of these flawed characteristics don't make me a douche bag...

No...The fact that I will be at PBS this Sunday at 8AM, playing cornhole on custom made boards that my grandpa made me, driking cheap luke warm beer and stuffing my face with a wide variety of grilled meats ALL while listening to "Welcome to the Jungle" on repeat make me a GIANT, 30 Gallon Force Flex Bag of Douche.

*I'm not kidding.

[Steven Mayne]

I helped Comrade Simon start the Bengal's bar in DC. I have literally destroyed my liver as I down beer after beer, hanging on every nervous moment of every play in every Bengals' game. But I think the following story best sums up my Bengals douchbaggery:

When I was in college during our marvelous 2-14 season in 2002, we were 0-8. At that time, substitute head coach Dick Lebeau (who subsequently went over to Pittsburgh where his defenses have dominated us) predicted victory against the expansion Texans. I had a study session during the game that I absolutely HAD to go to. I went for 45 minutes of the 3-hour session, but decided I had to sprint home to see the game. When I got home, we were up by several scores. For a brief moment, I didn't care that we were 0-8, the laughing stock of the NFL (ESPN had a commercial at the time with some asshole claiming that Miami University--of Florida--could beat the Bengals). I was so happy.

I, too, am a huge douchebag.

[Andrew Simon]

I would also like to add my douchery extends beyond my unhealthy allegiance to the Bengals because I do crush it and dominate every weekend

[A Pragmatic Bengals Fan]

I have legally imparted my douchebaggery to my son, Carson.

I have otherwise imparted my douchebaggery to my daughter, who in addition to "Go Bucks!" (NOT douchey at all) loves to say "Who Dey."

I injected my wife, who could have cared less about football before the slightly less than casual sports fan she married started a Bengals Blog and is paying the Sunday Ticket fee to watch a mess every Sunday afternoon, with my douchebaggery and I was never prouder of her than when she called me during the playoff game to ask why Kitna was playing instead of Palmer (I was watching over at my Dad's and she had turned the game on late).

You know, until I watched my children be born. Then I was prouder about that at least.

[Rich]

I started to think,in the Dickensian words of Tiny Tim, "God Bless Us, each and every Douchebag."
But then I realized that God gave us free will and a good football team a mere 90 miles away.
And, therefore, surely even God thinks we are douche bags.

[Esiason Forever]

My god... where do I begin...

I was 9 years old when I watched the Bengals first heartbreaking Super Bowl loss to the Niners in SB XVI. I barely knew what football was but I was hooked. At that age, I'm sure it was as much the cool looking tiger-striped helmets as it was the greatness of Kenny Anderson, but I had Bengals fever. Shortly thereafter, my family moved from SW Ohio to upstate NY but my passion for the Bengals never waned. My grandparents mailed me newspaper articles from the Cincinnati papers every week during the season so I could follow my team before the advent of the internet and 6 different channels of all sports, all the time TV. And then came Norman Julius Esiason (and JB and Eddie and Fulcher... and even Ickey). And then came SB XXIII. And those previously mentioned 34 seconds. And the hollow place in my soul that has been left void for the past 19 years... that I've been trying to fill by continuing to support this team. I moved back to the Cinci area after high school. I've gone to the training camps at Wilmington and now Georgetown. I've had season tickets for the last 6 years. I own custom-made orange and black Nike shoes. I own (and wear to every game) an authentic Boomer Esiason jersey (and yes, an authentic Akili Smith jersey hangs quietly, alone in the back of my closet). The den and guest bathroom in my house are painted Bengals orange with a myriad of Bengals pictures, posters, trinkets adorning the walls and shelves. And a lesser known fact even to my friends... even though I've never collected football cards in general, I spent a few years in the late 90's (sparked by Boomer's messiah-like Bengals comeback in '97, a possible new beginning squelched by Mike Brown's unwillingness to offer enough money to keep him from being lured away to the MNF booth) trolling eBay and amassing a collection of over 250 different Boomer Esiason football cards which I keep in protective sleeves in a binder in my den. I TOO AM A DOUCHEBAG!

[Andrew Simon]

I just realized I am even more of a d-bag. I bought a car, got DC plates, and then put the plates on my car using a Bengals license plate holder. I am such a dbag.

[Josh Hart]

I just bought a plane ticket to go to Cincy this weekend to watch the Bengals get beat by Kerry Collins, Albert Haynesworth and the Tennessee Titans. I am a douchebag.

[MuseoBengal]

I live in Indianapolis. I went to the preseason game in Lucas Oil in my orange Shayne Graham jersey and cheered for the Bengals. I am going to the MNF game on Dec. 7 in the same jersey, cheering for the same team.

I am a douchebag.

[ryan]

(tear slowly falling from one eys)Comrades I, too, share in your douchebaggery

[katie]

i grew up with michelle munoz, anthony's daughter. i have been a hopeless bengals fan since i he read a book about football to my first grade class.

i even lived in a third world country without tv for three years and cursed the play-by-play on espn.com.

i am, sadly, a lady douchebag.

[David Klingler]

Wow, you guys are a bunch of douches.

[Nate]

I was beginning to worry that I was one of the few dumbass Bengals Douchebags left. My douchebaggery started when I was 7 years old sitting in my Bengals replica helmet. I was crying for a half hour after watching Montana slice through the "SWAT TEAM" and hit J Taylor in the end zone to end our only hope to be World Champions. Before Sunday Ticket came along, this Douchebag and my younger brother would pray that somehow the game would be sold out and wouldnt be Blacked Out so we could watch it on TV. Our douchebaggedness was passed on from our dad who we sucked back into being a fan again in 2004. We drug him to his first game in 10 years that year after he swore off the team. I have the picture of me (douchebag) in a Bengals Parka, My Brother (douchebag) in a Bengals Cape, and my Dad with his mustache painted half orange and half black framed on a shelf in my bedroom. My sister lives in Sacramento and has Sunday Ticket and suffers through every game in a CJ jersey. She had a boy last year and we all said that she couldnt turn him into a douchebag Bengals fan. But - I couldnt help myself and sent him a toddler CJ jersey for his 1st bday... Besides dragging my dad back in and screwing over my Nephew, I talked my best friend into buying a "Bread Truck" and have my mom spend 2 weeks painting a jungle scene on it for tailgating. I still cant turn the F'ing games off until there is 0 on the clock.. I am a douchebag

[T. Douglas]

I live in denver and wear a bengals polo to work on casual fridays, hang a bengals banner from my front porch all year long, have bengals floormats in my car, make - what i believe at the time to be reasonable wagers over the bengals performance each week with co-workers - only to be laughed at when i get into the office on monday, make my girlfriend suffer through games on sunday, pay directv for sunday ticket only to almost break my tv by throwing the remote at it in disgust, refrain from making plans on sundays during the nfl season and for what??? to be bent over by p. brown and family every sunday as i watch the franchise i love continue their legacy as the perennial cellar-dwellers of the nfl year-after-year.

I am a douchebag.

[Nick]

I am a first year law student, and probably should spend my time studying. You know, thats kind of important I hear. Instead, I watch this crappy team on Sunday Ticket (great use of Financial Aid money). In addition to hopefully being a lawyer, this makes me a douchebag.

[Bear Fan MIke]

I am not a douche bag. I am a Bears fan and we kicked the crap out of the team 90 miles east of you douche bags, whom you revere as if they were in some way godly. I come to work every Monday and tear my douche bag co-worker a new one. That same douche bag coworker sent me this link and now I've gotten to laugh at how many miserable Bengal loving douches there are out there. I've enjoyed listening to you miserable douche bags cry about how lousy your team is almost as much as I enjoyed beating the Colts.

I am Mike I am not a douche bag.

Thanks douche bags

[Paul Katz]

I wasn't aware that WDR was a big support group where you could swap life stories and hug each other while sobbing silently.

[Bglove25]

I have been attending Bengals games at the Who Dey bar in DC for 2 years. I usually start strong, watch a game or to, then never come back for fear of my blood pressure rising to high. I'm the one, sitting at the bar, screaming like a fucking maniac for someone to make a GODDAMN tackle.

My first Bengals memory was asking if we had won the game at a family super bowl party in 89. I was four. I was disappointed but I thought they'd be back next year... and I haven't given up hope since. This makes me a douchebag.

[Posolxstvo the First]

Although I am not a Bengals fan (I won't mention the team that I am a fan of, as that will surely get me moderated off), I ran across your posting here, and applaud your quest. And wish you all the luck in the world with your revolution.

[34 Seconds......]

We all are just members of the DB fraternity: our founding father: Lewis Billups, enough said.....

[Treats Foreman]

I followed the game on Sunday at a funeral on my phone via gamecast... Label me douche. I also put forth the effort to text Winn Parry during the game... a fellow king douche.

Who Dey Burger Please.

[ocho douche]

A few years ago I had an old college roomate living out in St. Louis. He invited me and some others to come out and rock new years then drive to kansas city to watch the playoff-bound bengals. At the time I was in a 2.5 year relationship that was on the rocks. I went to the game instead of patching things up and when I got back to Ohio, I got broken up with. I am a huge douche bag

[Nick]

Wow, Ocho Douche might have just knocked the bar up a couple knotches. My dog wears a Bengals collar. My dog is a Douche and doenst even know it.

[HGP2]

LMFAO!

Can I have a hallelujah! I realized I was a douche bag when I was going to the bar every Sunday in Connecticut, and instead of asking them to put on the Bengal game I'd ask about whoever they were playing!

Hehe....my wife continually reminds me of my douchebagedness (and I'm trying to convince my sons to follow me, but sadly they seem to be showing some common sense not visible in their father).

[JohnM]

From a recent Cincinnati native transplanted to Denver...

What kills me is that it was so easy to embrace the Rockies and forsake the Reds, yet I can't do the same with the Bengals. (I had embraced the Rockies almost immediately, although the whole World Series thing didn't hurt.) Both the Reds and the Bengals are in about the same position, neither has won a playoff game/series since I was a child and both have brought year after year of irrational hopes and unprecedented quantities of disappointment. Isn't Carson Palmer the second coming of Ken Griffey Jr? So much talent but will never see a Championship game anywhere except from the comfort of the living room? Yet I'm stuck with the Bengals. They are always losers, but not in the fun Chicago Cubs kind of way, but rather the neighbor kid that is 3 years younger than you pushing your face into a pile of dogshit every Sunday kind of way. It's obviously an addiction and there needs to be a rehab for it. We spend tons of money feeding it and all we get out of it is feeling worse than the day before. Every Sunday is worse than the one before it. Every Sunday that you see a Bengals fan is the worst Sunday of that fan's life. (I would throw Monday in there but it's not like the NFL would waste another prime time game on these losers) Even with the occasional win, all it accomplishes is the rekindling of that microscopic spark of hope that maybe this is the turning point, only to be doused with a fire hose the following week by 250+ yards & 2 touchdowns by a backup QB making his first ever NFL start.

What can I say? I can't see the 2008 season as being anything but an inevitable "rock bottom" for me. If there isn't a major shake up of players and front office during or after this season, I have no choice but to jump ship. I cannot continually punish myself and continue to pay money to do so for much longer. I am a broken fan with little left to give.

[Go Steelers!]

Man, you all make me glad I was born in Pittsburgh. Looking forward to 10/19 already!

[John Bauer]

Thank you all for letting me realize that I am a giant douche bag. I have watched the Bengals since i started playing football at 6. Cried when they lost and began my vast collection of Bengals football cards, which I still have in the old football binder locked away for safe keeping.(tear) I have just bought a house and well lets say my basement is half Buckeyes(wife is alumn) and the rest are my autographed pictures, bengal towels, blankets, pillow and probably about as much douche bag stuff in it as possible. I have 7 Bengals jerseys(Palmer,CJ,Rudi, Woods, Esiason, Fulcher(signed)and (tear for my douche baggery)a KiJana Carter) and yes i do change them when they are playing bad in hopes to turn the game around. I have reveled in what i now know is football douche baggery for going on 25 years now. I think im going to start a Cincinnati Douche Bag Supprort Group now.....(and cry myself to sleep)

[Hi5Steeler]

I somehow feel PARTLY responsible for your pain and douchebaggeddyness.If there is anything we dey can do, please let us know.

~Pittsburgh Steeler Fan Hi5Steeler

[signplax]

It's often a difficult thing coming to grips with the reality that the team you follow, the team you cheer for day after day, year after year, the team you think has what it takes really sucks.

Sorry, I am not a Bengals fan, but instead I'm hardcore Steelers fan. Been that way since 1972.....I'm an addict to Steelers football. I feel for you guys, I really do. Just when it appeared you were turning the corner, some of your felons started acting up and the next thing you know you're staring up at the Steelers from the basement again.

Maybe the basement isn't such a bad place. I mean hell, I've seen some really nice basements in my day. Pool tables, big screen tv's...a bar. But there's always that stigma....."let's go down to the basement." There's something negative about it. Like you're not good enough to inhabit the upper floors of your house, so you have to go down to the basement.

Your performance against the lowly and offensively challenged Ravens spoke volumes. I thought you guys were a .500 team this year, but shit was I wrong. You're looking down the barrel of a 5-11 season. Good news is you get another high draft pick. Bad news is you still have the same idiots in management, and they'll surely pick another problem child who will flash his genitals to a school bus and get arrested during preseason.

There's a couple options:

1. Cyanide
2. Sleeping pills
3. Noose/stool combo (basement)

Or if you want to do something a little less drastic, may I suggest you start following a new team. Say a team that has 5 SB rings and has the talent to get the 6th real soon.

Whatever you decide, keep this famous quote by Casey Kasem in mind "Keep your feet on the ground but keep reaching for the stars." Feel better you douchebags?

[Bungals Truly Suck]

You're an even bigger douche than you think because NYC is filled with Steeler fans. So many Steeler bars here dominated by the biggest and best fan base in football.

You're a douche for buying into the Carson Palmer media hype, and believing he's even half fit to carry a real QB like Roethlisberger's jock. Which he isn't.

You're a douche because when you fly into Cincinnati, you're really flying into Kentucky. Kentucky! Ha ha ha!

Who dey gonna douche dem Bengals?

[Winn Parry]

There is no escaping the fact that we are all douchebags. We cheer on the worst professional franchise of all time. For this reason, and also because I wear a 1980's see-through mesh Bengals jersey without an undershirt, I am one humongous douchebag.

[HIVStiller]

Yu gUYs are teh SuxORS!!!!!!!

[Steve-O]

hello, my name is Steve-O and yes, I am a douchebag. Week after week. Year after year. I subject myself to the false hope that perhaps our so-called high-powered offense will kick it into gear at catapault us to greatness. Yet every week at around 4pm eastern standard time, my hopes and dreams are thoroughly crushed. I live about 45 minutes north of New York City, and am surrounded by numerous Giants, Jets, and even Patriots fans, who all point, stare, laugh, taunt, and throw things in my general direction each sunday at my local establishment. I am delusional. I tell everyone I encounter that this is our week, we will thoroughly crush and dominate (like you should on saturday nights at the bars) each opponent we face. Yet every monday I am forced to face those to whom I flaunted my Who Dey powers to, hanging my head in shame.

My Dad, who still lives in Cincinnati, even told me to get a new team. He said they're losers, and I'm a loser too for rooting for them, week in, week out. I suppose when you're own father calls you out as being a loser, then you qualify as a douchebag. My name is Steve-O, and yes, I'm a douchebag. Thank you for your time.

[johnnyhollywood]

live in LA + attend several games a year + license plate holder + salt and pepper shakers + fat head + rug + ps2 controller + (4 jerseys + 5 tees + 1 jacket) + sunday ticket = douchebag

[Amber]

Where is the Who Dey bar in DC? My husband and I just moved here and need to be around people who understand our affliction. Last week we ended up in a bar surrounded by Steelers fans who mocked us endlessly. It made me ill.

We will be the douchebags in the Boomer and Munoz jerseys, since we can't let go of the memory of a time when it was safe to cheer for our team without bags over our heads.

[A Pragmatic Bengals Fan]

When did our self-help group become a free pass for jackass Steeler fans to come and kick us while we're down? Is this okay?

How is it that Steeler fans are so proud of their fanhood when they've never really had a challenge to it? When your team has four superbowl rings plus a gift from the zebras, is a well-run and proud organization with an owner who actually COULD find his posterior with a flashlight, and the only really tough thing they have to deal with is "mascot" tha'ts an odd tribute to the coach who cashed in his chips a year after he finally got that gift-wrapped ring with a name as homoerotic as Steely McBeam?

What's the challenge in that? Stinkin' easy-road-taking Stiller fans. It takes a real commitment, loyalty, and a dogged tenacity against giving up to be a fan of a franchise as inept and failure-ridden as this one.

[Andrew Simon]

Amber - Who Dey DC is at Bottom Line. Email us at whodeydc [at] gmail [dot] com.

APBF - it's best to just not respond. And this "commitment, loyality and dogged tenacity" you speak of? Clearly a result of your douchiness. Lets get back to the topic at hand.

[Scott Simons]

if my daughter (2yrs old) sees the colors orange and black together anywhere, she starts screaming Who Dey at me. my douchebaggedness is so rich that it has spread to someone who is only 80% accurate in pooping in the potty. i and my entire family are d-bags

[James Mixson]

I moved from SC to Cinci and became sucked into the unholy void that is Bengals fervor. Now I watch every game sitting in the stands, usually with my head on my hands, shaking in disbelief. I proudly fly a Bengals flag at my house and own two jerseys (Peter Warrick and Justin Smith ), probably a dozen hats/visors and assorted stuff. I do believe that I will change the #80 jersey to "DoucheBag!"

Isn't there a 12-Step program for Douchebags like us?

[REW]

All this douchebaggery is taking a depressing turn. Remember the Alamo-Riverfront! Turn your douchebaggedness into RAGE and revolt against the tyranny of Mike Brown. You say your a douchebag...I say your a revolutionary, a hero, a believer! I AM A DOUCHEBAG!!!! SCREAM IT LOUD AND PROUD!!!

IF IT IS A BROWN GUN IT DOWN!