Confession: I Spent $21 at Paul Brown Stadium on Sunday

I flew home from New York City this weekend to catch Sunday's weekly terrorism (mostly because non-stupid travelers purchase their tickets in advance) and to reunite with family and friends who still live in the Queen City.  Although our tailgate was fun, there was obviously little reason for excitement.  We were 0-3 and getting ready to watch two terrible teams play football amid recent news that Carson Palmer would not be on the field. 

After a few hours of tailgating, I made the "long walk" to the stadium as Comrade Julius Norman calls it.  Then I got inside.  While usually, I like to have 2-3 Miller Lites in the stadium under some restraint at $7 a pop, I realized I was ultra hesitant to purchase anything this Sunday.  Do I give $7 per beer in revenue to the Cincinnati Bengals?  I hadn't thought about it until I reached the stadium and once I did, before kickoff, the answer to this question was a resounding "No." Although I wanted my usual 2-3, the Bengals have played so bad that I could not justify spending another cent on this franchise.  I'm already a douche bag for being a season ticket holder that doesn't live in Cincinnati and for flying to Dallas next weekend to watch the football equivalent of this (notice that Sonny is wearing silver/gray and Carlo is wearing orange). 

Although I hadn't thought through the purchasing beer in Paul Brown Stadium dilemma, I have refused to purchase Bengals merchandise for over a year now and will continue to do so until there are signs of this franchise turning it around (i.e. not holding my #!&?*&! breath).  Last year, knowing that the easy way out for my Xmas and/or birthday gifts is some sort of Bengals gear/p.o.s, I made a demand to my family and girlfriend: "Do not buy me anything Bengals related."  Instead, I received a sweater, a framed picture, a couple golf shirts and some other non-Bengal presents, none of which has caused me sadness or made me doubt my self worth, which concludes that said presents are superior.  Anyway, back to Sunday...one beer for $7 seems incrementally small so what's the big deal?  The big deal is that our franchise is currently unacceptable but I continue to watch and renew my season tickets, which is already foolish.  Every additional dollar spent is just another brain cell that you can label "stupid".  On the off chance that I'm not stupid right now, I will certainly be soon if this keeps up.   

Through most of the first quarter, I held strong.  Then I realized that I was watching the "Worst Game Ever Played" and my seats were directly in the sun with no clouds in the sky.  This was going to be tough.  Should I have a Miller LIte and dull the pain...or...hold strong, get sunburnt sober while watching a 22 person train wreck and keep the money out of Mike Brown's wallet?  Another beer girl was approaching with a button on her shirt reminding me that it was indeed $7 for 16 ounces of Miller LIte.  Let's review exactly how much of a markup that is.  Assuming Miller Lite is $7.99 for a 6 pack of 12 oz. beers, it is roughly $0.11 cents an ounce.  PBS gives you 16 ounce beers.  16 x $0.11 = $1.78.  This is rough math from a lawyer so take it for what it is worth and a markup is to be expected.  But $7 is the price Mike Brown (and to be fair, many other owners) have come up with.  Then it happened.  Right before the beer girl approached our row, Shaun Rogers destroyed Eric Ghiaciuc and dropped Chris Perry for no gain.  This one play signified much...

Shaun Rogers on the Browns is the result of a busted trade that the Bengals and Detroit Lions couldn't figure out, which allowed the Browns to steal him from us and prevented our D-line from improving. 

Eric Ghiaciuc is not a good football player, which has caused disarray on the offensive line for quite some time now but our front office continues to do nothing about it. 

Chris Perry was a foolish, highly questioned, first round draft choice.  We drafted him instead of Steven Jackson, a wildebeast on the St. Louis Rams.  At the same time, Perry has been riddled with injuries for most of his Bengals career and has fumbled four times in four games this year.

Although somehow, I did not vomit, this one play broke me.  It represented so much in 2 seconds.  I was mentally beat down and suddenly tired.  The beer girl was at my aisle and passing me.  I had no chance.  "One Miller Lite!" I shouted panicked and abruptly with a slight crack in my voice.  $7 to Mike Brown.  I am a dirty, filthy person.  As anyone who watched the game knows, it only got worse from there.  My final beer count for the game was only 3 but that was $21 that indirectly suggests that I support what is going on, which I claim I do not.  I suck as a person and apologize to anyone who was strong enough to keep their money in their pocket or wise and wiley enough to sneak in a flask.

Next week, I go to Dallas (because vacation has already been scheduled and airfare is not refundable) to continue my "Bengal game in a city I've never been to" experience.  Beers are likely to be $7+ there as well.  At least the decision to purchase food or beverages will not be a difficult one.  Jerry Jones actually pays what he needs to in order to pursue a championship.  On the other hand, Mike Brown somehow knows it'll be awhile until I actually stop purchasing beers and cancel my season tickets.  Even at that point (which may never happen), new saps or more optimistic current saps will keep the money flowing.

Comments

[Chase F]

If City Council knew, what, they were doing, the Coors Light Train would run right through, PBS during, haltime. All kidding aside, Mike Brown will, have to give, away beers to get, people to come, by the end of this season. Psych. 936, straight sellouts and counting. No one will ever get out of their leases. Cue the Mike Brown evil chortling.

[captainb8]

I gave Mikey $7. I now feel guilty.

[Chris]

I too gave Mike some of my money. I bought two Miller Lites ($14), one large order of french fries ($5.50), and one large Mountain Dew ($5.50), for an embarrassing total of $25.

What have I done? Have I no shame? I pray God has mercy on me.

I swear I'll never do this again...I feel so dirty.

[captainb8]

Oh shit...I was thinking only in terms of beer. I forgot about the 2 waters (I blame the sun...so hot), large Coke and 2 Jumbo Dogs. I'm such a disgrace...errr...douche bag...

[Brandon]

I am proud to say I haven't given a dime to the despicable Brown organization... No no, all my money went to the "always young and talented, always looking to next year, allllways underachieving" Cincinnati Reds.

[don]

I didnt give a dime to Mikey boy.All I did was sneak in a flask (pint) of Jim Beam and sipped it straight without softdrinks. I left right after half time as the game was a real defensive struggle and couldnt take it anymore thinking what I COULD of done with the afternoon. My family were surpriped to see me and I grilled out and had a great time. Screw the Benglas. JMO!!

[Jeff]

Was looking good with no further donation to Mike until halftime when I was already fully baked and dying in the sun. With much self-loathing, decided to pay $8.25 for a margarita. But my friend wanted one too and end up buying it for me... so I can say I wasn't personally part of the problem this time (other than the $82 rape I received for the ticket). Definitely flasking it for the Steelers game...although that won't nearly be enuf liquor to ease the pain that will surely come...