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Who Dey Revolution Manifesto

  • Preamble

    IN THIS TIME of perpetual Cincinnati Bengals incompetence and futility, with zero playoff wins in the eighteen seasons since the WhoDeyRevolution Godfather, Paul Brown, passed away in 1991 and handed the team to his fortunate son, the Despot, Mike Brown;

    Introduction

    WE, the members of the Who Dey Revolution, in our fervent dedication to the Cincinnati Bengals and fanatical desire to transform our hometown team into perpetual Super Bowl contenders, call for a popular revolution of fans to demand comprehensive reform to the managerial decisions and approach of Cincinnati Bengals ownership, management, staff and players, and hereby call for the adoption of the following Who Dey Revolution Manifesto:

    Manifesto Demands

    THAT the Mike Brown, Katie Blackburn, Marvin Lewis, along with every other member of the Bengals management, staff and personnel, state publicly to all Bengals fans, “I will do everything in my power to help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl;”

    THAT Mike Brown will hire a general manager, drastically expand the scouting department and relinquish all control of player personnel;

    THAT all training, rehabilitation and medical facilities are considered best-in-class compared to other NFL teams;

    THAT the management fill the team only with players who fit the system, both mentally and physically, and are not reluctant to makes changes to player personnel when needed, regardless of cost or loyalty concerns;

    THAT offensive and defensive line depth is considered the top priority for all player personnel decisions;

    THAT all decisions made by ownership, management, staff and players, both on and off the field, are judged only by this criterion: “Does this help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl?”

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« Bengals Update Fan Code Of Conduct | Main | Kitna Smites Bengals With His Righteous Baby Hands »

August 15, 2008

WDR - Disclaimer

In this time of perpetual Cincinnati Bengals incompetence and futility, with zero playoff wins in the seventeen seasons since the WhoDeyRevolution Godfather, Paul Brown, passed away in 1991 and handed the team to his fortunate son, the Despot, Mike Brown;

What you see written above is the preamble to the WDR Manifesto.  While Bengals ownership might be the worst in the history of ownership,  and I mean since the concept of ownership came to age in the Mid-Paleolithic era, the team still managed to pull off a playoff birth in 2005.  Henceforth, to protect WDR from any backlash in the coming seasons, I am adding the following WDR Disclaimer to the WDR Manifsto in case the man (or woman) upstairs decides to intervene in the Bengals season and help them overcome ownership's ineptitide and lead the team to a winning season, or even, gasp!, the playoffs. 

While the Bengals continue to operate as one of the worst managed teams in all of professional sports, leading to zero playoff wins in seventeen years, it is still scientifically possible for them to win their division, the AFC, or the Superbowl, regardless of how high the odds are stacked against them (trust me, I did enough algorithms to make my dome explode).

These unlikely events will only occur as a result of product of luck, opportunism, hard play, divine intervention and Carson Palmer.  A winning season in 2008 would have absolutely no correlation with ownership, management structure, or player personnel decisions. 

Furthermore, Bengals ownership will not get any credit for the potential successes of this franchise until they formally adopt the WDR manifesto, namely, of doing whatever it takes to win a Super Bowl; hiring a general manager with a history of winning; upgrading all training and rehabilitation facilities; signing and retaining only those players who fit with the Bengals schemes, both physically and mentally; regarding offensive and defensive line depth as the highest priority in player personnel decisions; and judging all decisions facing the Bengals solely by the criteria of helping the team win a Super Bowl.  Until these things happen, any winning season can not and will not be credited to the ownership and management of this team.

We here are WDR would like nothing more than to see the Bengals make a magical run to the Super Bowl this year.  But if this does occur, it will be nothing more than a fluke (see 2005) and will not in any way affect the common sense demands of the WDR manifesto.

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GREAT link for Palmer. LOL

ditto. perfect link for palmer.

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    Bengals Futility - By The Numbers

    • 17 - Years since the Bengals have won a playoff game

      0 - Total number of playoff wins in Mike Brown's tenure as owner

      .348 - Bengals regular season winning percentage since Mike Brown took over as owner (97-181 in 17 seasons)

      15-23 - Record since 2005 playoff game vs Steelers

      6 - Seasons the Bengals have lost their first six games since 1991. No other team has more than two.

      0 - Teams North of Cincinnati without an indoor practice facility

      10 - Players arrested in a 14 month span from 2005-2006

      32 - Mike Brown's ranking, out of 32, of the "Best Owners in the NFL" by Michael Silver of Sports Illustrated in 2007

      458,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, that Hamilton County Taxpayers paid to build PBS

      2032 - Year that Hamilton County will have finally paid off its debt on the stadium deal

      6 3 - Total number of non-clerical employees employed in the Bengals scouting department, lowest in the league

      747,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, paid in free agency by the Bengals from 1994 - 2005, second worst of all 28 teams in existence for the duration, behind only Arizona

      118 – Ranking, out of 118 professional teams, of the “Worst Franchises” in professional sports, as ranked by ESPN the Magazine in 2003.

      97 – Ranking, out of 98 general managers in all four major sports with three or more years of experience, of Mike Brown’s performance as a GM, as ranked by Forbes in 2007.

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