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Who Dey Revolution Manifesto

  • Preamble

    IN THIS TIME of perpetual Cincinnati Bengals incompetence and futility, with zero playoff wins in the seventeen seasons since the WhoDeyRevolution Godfather, Paul Brown, passed away in 1991 and handed the team to his fortunate son, the Despot, Mike Brown;

    Introduction

    WE, the members of the Who Dey Revolution, in our fervent dedication to the Cincinnati Bengals and fanatical desire to transform our hometown team into perpetual Super Bowl contenders, call for a popular revolution of fans to demand comprehensive reform to the managerial decisions and approach of Cincinnati Bengals ownership, management, staff and players, and hereby call for the adoption of the following Who Dey Revolution Manifesto:

    Manifesto Demands

    THAT the Mike Brown, Katie Blackburn, Marvin Lewis, along with every other member of the Bengals management, staff and personnel, state publicly to all Bengals fans, “I will do everything in my power to help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl;”

    THAT Mike Brown will hire a general manager, drastically expand the scouting department and relinquish all control of player personnel;

    THAT all training, rehabilitation and medical facilities are considered best-in-class compared to other NFL teams;

    THAT the management fill the team only with players who fit the system, both mentally and physically, and are not reluctant to makes changes to player personnel when needed, regardless of cost or loyalty concerns;

    THAT offensive and defensive line depth is considered the top priority for all player personnel decisions;

    THAT all decisions made by ownership, management, staff and players, both on and off the field, are judged only by this criterion: “Does this help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl?”

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« You trying to say Jesus Christ can't hit a curveball? - The Bengals as Major League | Main | Odell Faces Suspension »

June 02, 2008

June 1 Deadline - Chad Still Silent

Babychad_2 Since before the draft, everyone has pointed to June 1st or after as the day we might
be bidding Chad Johnson goodbye. Well, that day has come and gone and now as the
summer heat approaches, everyone will get a tad crazier and more inclined to accept
the hairbrained as logical. Like Chad walking away from football to work on his golf
game so that he might one day be able to play on the senior tour.

I, for one, don't care one way or the other whether Chad holds out or we trade him or he goes off to live and run in the mountains with Stephon Marbury. It just doesn't matter to me anymore. He's like a terminal patient, I have already written him off.

As for him being a distraction to the team, I find it hard to believe that he can be a bigger distraction this year than in any of the years passed. He would have to do something awful like giving the whole WR corps the plague to top his consistently ridiculous antics.

All of this animosity could also dissolve between him and the team come training camp when it dawns
on him that demanding things from Mike Brown is akin to demanding things from god, if anything you'll
get smote down before he accedes to your wishes. If anything, Chad will come slinking back to the
team, play hard for a couple games then go down with a mysterious injury just when the Bengals are
starting to get rolling on offense. Or if he really wanted to stick it ot Brown and Marvin and Cincinnati,
he would play his ass off all year and then go back to holding out and asking for a raise once we've made
the playoffs, painting Mikey into a corner where he might have to renegotiate with Chad instead of getting run out of town by West Siders rabid for playoff glory.

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Bengals Futility - By The Numbers

  • 17 - Years since the Bengals have won a playoff game

    0 - Total number of playoff wins in Mike Brown's tenure as owner

    .348 - Bengals regular season winning percentage since Mike Brown took over as owner (97-181 in 17 seasons)

    15-23 - Record since 2005 playoff game vs Steelers

    6 - Seasons the Bengals have lost their first six games since 1991. No other team has more than two.

    0 - Teams North of Cincinnati without an indoor practice facility

    10 - Players arrested in a 14 month span from 2005-2006

    32 - Mike Brown's ranking, out of 32, of the "Best Owners in the NFL" by Michael Silver of Sports Illustrated in 2007

    458,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, that Hamilton County Taxpayers paid to build PBS

    2032 - Year that Hamilton County will have finally paid off its debt on the stadium deal

    6 3 - Total number of non-clerical employees employed in the Bengals scouting department, lowest in the league

    747,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, paid in free agency by the Bengals from 1994 - 2005, second worst of all 28 teams in existence for the duration, behind only Arizona

    118 – Ranking, out of 118 professional teams, of the “Worst Franchises” in professional sports, as ranked by ESPN the Magazine in 2003.

    97 – Ranking, out of 98 general managers in all four major sports with three or more years of experience, of Mike Brown’s performance as a GM, as ranked by Forbes in 2007.

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