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Who Dey Revolution Manifesto

  • Preamble

    IN THIS TIME of perpetual Cincinnati Bengals incompetence and futility, with zero playoff wins in the nineteen seasons since the WhoDeyRevolution Godfather, Paul Brown, passed away in 1991 and handed the team to his fortunate son, the Despot, Mike Brown;


    WE, the members of the Who Dey Revolution, in our fervent dedication to the Cincinnati Bengals and fanatical desire to transform our hometown team into perpetual Super Bowl contenders, call for a popular revolution of fans to demand comprehensive reform to the managerial decisions and approach of Cincinnati Bengals ownership, management, staff and players, and hereby call for the adoption of the following Who Dey Revolution Manifesto:

    Manifesto Demands

    THAT the Mike Brown, Katie Blackburn, Marvin Lewis, along with every other member of the Bengals management, staff and personnel, state publicly to all Bengals fans, “I will do everything in my power to help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl;”

    THAT Mike Brown will hire a general manager, drastically expand the scouting department and relinquish all control of player personnel;

    THAT all training, rehabilitation and medical facilities are considered best-in-class compared to other NFL teams;

    THAT the management fill the team only with players who fit the system, both mentally and physically, and are not reluctant to makes changes to player personnel when needed, regardless of cost or loyalty concerns;

    THAT offensive and defensive line depth is considered the top priority for all player personnel decisions;

    THAT all decisions made by ownership, management, staff and players, both on and off the field, are judged only by this criterion: “Does this help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl?”

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June 09, 2008


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Breaking News: Troy Blackburn Laugh Maniacally at Overheated, Underpooled Children

I love the title, but actually I think "Blackburn Adds Summer to Seasons He Plans to Ruin" is pretty good, too. Other acceptable titles:

Blackburn's Ineptitude Splashes Over Into Recreational Activities

Pool Maintenance Degree Has Yet to Pay Dividends for Bengals' VP

Other good titles...

Troy Blackburn Forces Children to Perform Reverse-Pikes into Concrete

Local Residents to Blackburn: Try Not To Do Anything. Ever.

Is there any position you'd trust a Brown family member to run? Maybe the kitchen at the Indian Hill Swim Club? Not sure he could handle the pressures of the short order cook...

Brown Family to Children: Buy your own pool you free riders.

Kids Respond: Can we have the Hamilton County Taxpayers pay for it?

Mike Brown: OF COURSE.

Troy Blackburn is one of the most intelligent and sincere individuals that I have ever had the opportunity to meet and I think it is ridiculous that you will make comments about someone you don't even know. He truly is a wonderful person that puts family and friends as his first priority. I hope you get the opportunity to meet him one day.

Sarah = Katie?

"He... puts family and friends as his first priority."

Well his first priority certainly isn't running a good football team.

He truly is a wonderful person that puts family and friends as his first priority. I hope you get the opportunity to meet him one day.

He truly is a wonderful person that puts family and friends as his first priority. I hope you get the opportunity to meet him one day.

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    Bengals Futility - By The Numbers

    • 20 - Years since the Bengals have won a playoff game

      0 - Total number of playoff wins in Mike Brown's tenure as owner

      .359 - Bengals regular season winning percentage since Mike Brown took over as owner (115-206-1 in 20 seasons)

      29-34-1 - Record since 2005 playoff game vs Steelers

      6 - Seasons the Bengals have lost their first six games since 1991. No other team has more than two.

      0 - Teams North of Cincinnati without an indoor practice facility

      10 - Players arrested in a 14 month span from 2005-2006

      32 - Mike Brown's ranking, out of 32, of the "Best Owners in the NFL" by Michael Silver of Sports Illustrated in 2007

      458,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, that Hamilton County Taxpayers paid to build PBS

      2032 - Year that Hamilton County will have finally paid off its debt on the stadium deal

      3 - Total number of non-clerical employees employed in the Bengals scouting department, lowest in the league

      747,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, paid in free agency by the Bengals from 1994 - 2005, second worst of all 28 teams in existence for the duration, behind only Arizona

      118 – Ranking, out of 118 professional teams, of the “Worst Franchises” in professional sports, as ranked by ESPN the Magazine in 2003.

      97 – Ranking, out of 98 general managers in all four major sports with three or more years of experience, of Mike Brown’s performance as a GM, as ranked by Forbes in 2007.

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