The Superbowl Champion Cincinnati Bengals. Why Not?

Here's why the Bengals are going to win the Superbowl next season.  This is my story and I’m sticking to it at least until they lose week 1 to the Ravens.

-2008 is the year where everything is going to go right just once (yes i've now sunk to the "we are due" theory it's really all I have left so be nice).

-The offensive line will stay healthy (there is no doubt in my mind that the season hinges on the O-line being great which is why I’ve deluded myself into liking franchising Stacey Andrews) and provide stability for Carson so that he can throw for 4,000yds and 30tds. 

-The offense will be a top-5 offense that finishes games off behind a strong running game anchored by the reappearance of a healthy fresh Chris Perry (that we ever thought of signing the undead corpse of Shaun Alexander will be a distant afterthought). 

-Chad will be dancing in endzones across America while T.J. and Ben Utecht convert key third downs all season long. 

-The rookie receivers will replace most of Henry's production, and Rudi might even decide that he wants to break tackles again (Geoff Hobson tells me its going to happen so why not just pretend, it's easier trust me).

-The defense will finally get consistent pressure on the opposing Quarterback. Antwan Odom, Jumpy Geathers, and John Thornton (in a contract year) will combine for over 25 sacks. This newfound pressure allows the young Bengal secondary time to grow into their considerable talent. The return of Odell gives the defense the playmaking linebacker it has been missing since he was last on the field. Ahmad Brooks stays healthy and becomes the effective blitzing linebacker the team hasn’t had. Keith Rivers and Pat Simms provide solid contributions their rookie year and the young defense makes great strides under new D-coordinator Mike Zimmer. Hell the Bengals defense has to get better doesn’t it? It really can’t be any worse (although I’ve been wrong about this more times than I'd like to remember with the Bengals before).

-The return game will provide lots of big plays to finally give the offense some short fields to work with. Shayne Grahman makes his kicks against the Steelers and I forget what the long snappers name is because he never makes a mistake (Brad St. Louis still can’t be the highest paid long snapper in the league can he? That has to be impossible by now). 

-Marvin Lewis puts the shovel back in the locker room (this really has nothing to do with anything I just feel like the Bengals are the type of team that needs a good locker room prop to be successful, kind of like the Tribe in Major League)  Plus it's a well established fact that Marvin loves shovels!  Just listen to him describe how he feels about shovels:

"I know everything about a shovel," Lewis told his players. "I took breaks on it, ate on it, even slept on it. We had to move that pile of coal, and the only way to do that was to put your head down and keep shoveling." (READ this SI story if you want to realize just how depressingly low Cincinnati’s standards were when Marvin first got here in 2003).

-February 2009 Good Times USA makes a triumphant return to Cincinnati as the Bengals win the Super Bowl for their first and most likely last time ever.

-The victory parade takes place on a freakishly warm 55° Ohio day and ends in fountain square with Ickey doing the shuffle in a roped off portion of the ice rink while afterwards the millions in attendence put the Guinness World Record for the chicken dance out of reach for good from other chicken dancing cities.  WHO DEY!!!

Comments

[raindogzilla]

You forgot...

...Jason Shirley becomes a fan favorite, entering on the offensive side of the ball in goal-line situations and toting most of the opponent's defensive line, along with the ball, into the end zone. Because he's even bigger than former Bear, William "The Refrigerator" Perry, he's called "The Walk-In Freezer".

[Paul Katz]

And then the sky opens and gold bars parachute down from heaven. I think you got sacked too many times Klinglered. But seriously, we're going 14-2.