Mike Brown Unhappy With Cincinnati

Mike Brown went public yesterday with his misgivings against the city of Cincinnati at a press conference held on his diamond-encrusted zeppelin flying high above the tri-state.

“Cincinnati has skated by far too long for me to stand pat and do nothing about it,” Brown said while eating a foot long hot dog topped with gold-flaked caviar. “I am going to take my Bengals and my Stadium to Kentucky if the city can’t allocate a measly 500 million for stadium renovations and a fitting monument to me and my daughter for our heroic deeds the last 17 years. After all I’ve given to Cincinnati; it is a slap in the face that the legislature and the taxpayers will give nothing back. Not one iota of respect.”

“What kind of greedy town is this that I, a lowly and cash strapped businessman, is forced to foot the bill for a team that the city’s name is on.” Brown surmised before opening his wallet and showing he only had 3 one million dollar bills inside. “I wouldn’t complain about these sorts of slights if the name of the team was the Brown Bengals. But it isn’t.”

“I would have traded Chad Johnson yesterday if the city was willing to pay the salary cap hit, plus interest of course.” Brown said before casually kicking a toddler out the window of the Zeppelin. “Ooh, I’m a city councilman; I have more important things to worry about than a six story statue of Mike Brown gloriously leading an attack onto Ohio Beach. Ooh, look at me.”

The West Side announced today that it has begun construction on a soon to be used mausoleum for Brown.

Comments

[Nick]

Paul, I will have to disagree with you on your characterizations of Mr. Brown. He is cheap, very very very cheap. He has all of his money in gold bars in a secure location becuase he does not understand nor trust "Big City Banks."